Trust
by Eitak Renmus
Summary: Harry learns of Severus Snape's past and why Dumbledore trusts his loyalty so completely. But will Harry like what he hears?


Harry stared into Dumbledor's light blue eyes, his anger rising. "I want to know, why you trust Snape." He said firmly. All these years, all these things that Snape had done, and Dumbledor's only explanation was that he trusted the greasy haired potions master. Harry could not see why. To him Snape was a waste of skin, and it was clear that Snape felt the same way about Harry. Dumbledore did not break his gaze into Harry's eyes, but he spoke clearly.  
"I have told you before Harry, that is a matter between professor Snape and myself. It is his information that he and only he should tell when he feels the need to." His hands were together, fingers splayed and he peered at Harry from over his half moon spectacles, his bright eyes shinning. Harry could feel his temper rising. Dumbledore's constant calm unnerved him.  
"You said yourself that if we couldn't trust each other then the order is doomed to fail!" He shouted, standing up from his chair, "I'll never trust him, he betrayed Sirius, he was a Death Eater! I'll do anything I can to stop him from passing information! How do you know he's not double, double crossing you!?" He was out of his seat now, pacing back and forth.  
"Harry, Severus was a death eater, was being the key word. We should not be so quick to judge others on their pasts-"  
"Don't seem to mind that Snape does the same thing to me, though do you?" Harry said bitterly.  
"I cannot force people to be kind to one another, as you have found out many times." Dumbledore said. His voice was still quiet, but his eyes had become more intense. "But I can try to persuade them Harry. I stand by what I said last year. Without trust, the order is doomed to fail."  
"I'll never trust that slimy git."  
"That," Dumbledore said firmly, "is obvious." He sat in silence for a long while, as if contemplating doing something he didn't particularly want to do. "The truth is not something to be taken lightly, in any subject. Harry, I will show you this, only because I fear that I must to keep you from imperiling the order more than it is already. Without trusting Severus's motives you may unwillingly endanger our position and that is something I cannot have. I will tell you this, only because I trust you Harry." He paused and looked vaguely amused for a second and said, "Of course, by doing so, I in turn violate Severus's trust with me."  
"Tell me. Show me. Just let me know why!" Harry said.  
"I will, Harry, but only in the strictest confidence that this information will not leave this room. I am trusting you with this information and I in turn, expect to trust you not to give it to anyone else. Not Mr. Weasley, nor Miss Granger. No one. Understood?" Dumbledore eyed him severely. Harry nodded quickly, why wouldn't he get on with it? Dumbledore leaned back in his wooden chair, blue eyes lifted to the ceiling, deep in thought. After minutes of remembering past events Dumbledore spoke.  
"Severus Snape, as you may have seen from you Occlumency lessons, did not have the best home life." He began Harry rolled his eyes. What did this have to do with anything? Dumbledore continued on with out notice. "His mother was a manic depressive, his father an abusive alcoholic. He would often beat Severus's mother and because he wasted so much of his money on alcohol, they were very poor. Combine these factors and you have a miserable childhood. His father, drunk though he may be, had always been fascinated with the dark arts. As such, Severus grew up learning more about the dark arts than many I have seen pass through this school. You see Harry? It was part of his very beginning."  
"Then why'd he stop so suddenly?" Harry asked skeptically. Dumbledore eyed him, and Harry felt, not for the first time, that he was reading him.  
"Do not look at just part of the picture Harry. You must see the picture as a whole to truly understand. As I was saying, because he came from such an awkward family, and knew more about the dark arts than any his age, Severus went through most of his life with no friends." He smiled faintly at Harry. "I believe you know that feeling well?" Harry nodded in spite of his mood. "He was often seen as a loner, an outcast or an oddball and was almost ceremoniously ridiculed and humiliated. I believe you know that feeling also." Harry nodded again, remembering Dudley and his gang going 'Harry Hunting'. Dumbledore continued on. "Things did not much improve when Severus arrived at Hogwarts. His appearance, and knowledge on forbidden subjects almost instantly singled him out. Keep in mind Harry that all this time Voldemort is gathering power and followers. In Hogwarts Severus also met your father and their famous hatred grew all throughout their years here." Harry remembered, with an undesirable pang of guilt, the time his father had tortured Snape in front of a crowd of onlookers. "In his fifth year, however, Severus met another boy from his class, also in Slytherin, and became friends. His name was Adronus Janson and he had been a death eater sense he was very young. They were often plotting against James and his friends just as Mr. Malfoy plots against yourself. In his seventh and last year at Hogwarts, Severus took a liking to a young woman named Ana Silverton." Harry couldn't help but sniff disdainfully. He found it hard to believe that Snape could've liked someone. Dumbledore gave him a stern look. "I will, of course, stop the conversation if it becomes to amusing for you."  
"No, go on." Harry said, regaining his composure.  
"Severus and Ana began to see each other in their seventh year. As the year ended Severus received an urgent owl from St. Mungos Hospital of Magical Maladies and Injuries. When he arrived at the hospital, he found that his mother had committed suicide after receiving a harsh beating from his father and loosing the will to live." Harry stiffened. It was becoming much less amusing. "When he returned home, he saw his father, drunk of course, laughing about the havoc he had caused. In a rage Severus preformed two of the unforgivable curses. The Crutacious curse and then Advada Kedavra were used on his father. After he realized what he had done, Severus began to fear what would become of him and did not know who to turn to now that he had so severely broken wizard law. So he turned to the one man who did not care for wizard law and welcomed murderers. It was then that he joined Voldemort. Severus had the mark burned into his skin, and participated in the dark lords activities. He and Ana were still together, and three years after they'd left Hogwarts, they were married." Harry found this hard to believe as well but was now listening intently. "Upon learning that Severus was a death eater, Ana decided to join as well. She was also in Slytherin when at school, and as such, dark arts were not new to her. But the life of a Death Eater did not suit her and she began to get very frightened of Voldemort's powers and felt guilty for her actions. She expressed her desire to leave the death eaters to Severus, who, as he admitted to me, would have done the same. But Severus feared, also, the fact that she had had these thoughts. He feared the dark lord would read into her mind and discover her mutinous thoughts. You see Harry, when a person joins Voldemort, they can never leave or suffer the pain of death for their disloyalty. One night, as the death eaters were called to meet Voldemort, he preformed Ligilimency on each of them. He often did this to ensure that his followers were not wavering on their paths. Severus, who is one of the most skilled Occlumens I have ever seen, was able to fool Voldemort from realizing the fact that he had been planning to leave. Ana, however, was not so lucky. Her talents in Occlumency were not nearly as developed as Severus's and Voldemort broke through her defenses and discovered her disloyalty to the order. She was killed instantly along with their unborn child." Harry gasped. "Ana was six months pregnant the day she died." Dumbledore continued. "Severus was in a state of shock as he grabbed her body and Apparated away from Voldemort. He did not believe what had happened. Perhaps the only person he had ever truly loved had been taken from him, the only chance at a normal life and family he had. Severus was lost once again, and this time turned to the more appropriate authority for help." His eyes twinkled. "He turned to me. I arranged Ana's funeral for him and took care of as many details as I could. Then, although I hate to do such things, I had to force Severus to retell what had happened, just as I had to question you the night poor Cedric died. But I couldn't overlook his past with the death eaters and the murder of his father, though I dare say he deserved it. I asked Severus to share the memory of the time of Ana's death. He removed the thought from his head and placed it inside my pensive. It was there that I saw and experienced what he had felt and gone through. After going through this, I was convinced that Severus had completely turned from Voldemort and would do anything to help bring about the downfall of the murderer of his wife and unborn child. Why didn't I just give him a few drops of Veritaserum? you may be wondering. Words cannot barely begin to explain what the mind feels. They are merely shadows of what is going on in your head." He paused and sighed heavily, the twinkle gone from his eye. Harry was speechless. He wished that he hadn't been so eager to hear Snape's past now. Was it really true? Dumbledore looked at Harry, searching his mood and expression.  
"Of course, my story alone may not convince you of Severus's loyalty to the order." He got up slowly from his desk, his long silvery beard shining in the moonlight and walked over to a large wooden dresser, covered in intricate instruments. Opening a cabinet, Dumbledore removed an object that Harry immediately recognized. It was a large stone basin and inside of it a swirling cloud of silvery liquid thoughts floated; not quite air and not quite water. Dumbledore placed the pensive on his desk, between himself and Harry and slowly seated himself. Harry eyed the pensive uncertainly, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what Dumbledore was going to do. Dumbledore took out his wand and prodded the silvery mist inside the pensive which began to swirl faster and faster, until it looked like a small whirlpool. Dumbledore was obviously shifting through hundreds and thousands of thoughts, looking for the right one. Then, just as sudden as it had begun, the pensive's contents slowed and stopped. Dumbledore pocketed his wand once more and turned to Harry. "I believe you will find proof of Severus's loyalty to myself, and to the order in here." He shoved the pensive closer to Harry who, rather reluctantly, found himself starring into its depths. "Look inside." Dumbledore said quietly. Harry leaned closer to the pensive, and with a familiar rush, he felt himself being turned head over heels as he was swept into Snape's memories once more.  
He landed on his feet with a loud thud. The earth beneath him was soft and damp, the air was cool and refreshing. Harry peered around him. He was standing in the middle of a clearing in a dark patch of woods; the tiny sliver of moon and stars were continuously becoming covered by thin wisps of cloud . It was well into the night and his eyes were having trouble adjusting to it. The scene might have been relaxing if he hadn't suddenly noticed several cloaked and masked figures moving in from all directions so suddenly that they seemed to have appeared out of thin air. Harry felt his stomach turn over. The figures were death eaters; he recognized the blank faceless masks and dark cloaks that they wore. He saw that the death eaters were congregating in a large circle fifty feet away from him and he made an effort to catch up. Harry looked around for Snape. This was his memory and he was bound to be in this group somewhere. But it was impossible to tell one death eater from the next, their masks took away their identities. The death eaters were completely silent as they all stared (or at least Harry presumed that they were staring) at a tall thin man, with a pale face, flat nose and red slit like eyes. Harry felt his legs turn to led. Voldemort was starring down at his death eaters and he was wearing a sour expression of dislike. Harry had to remind himself over and over again that this was a memory and that Voldemort could not hurt him here. Nonetheless Harry shrunk back to the outer ring of death eaters, trying to put distance between himself and the memory Voldemort. Looking once again around the crowd of death eaters, Harry saw Voldemort look at each of them, not breaking eye contact, and then turn to the next and on down the line. Harry could tell that he was reading their minds. He had seen that look on Snape's face while he had been teaching Harry Occlumency and he often saw the same gleam in Dumbledore's eyes when he studied his students. One of the death eaters standing next to him stiffened. Harry looked at what was obviously a woman. Despite her black cloak, her bulging stomach gave her away. He then remembered that Snape's wife had been pregnant when she had died. He felt a fresh wave of horror. If this was her then the man standing next to her must be Snape. And Voldemort would find her and- Harry didn't want to think about it. He did not want to see this woman die. He looked to the sky, hoping to see Dumbledore's face, hoping he would take him out of this memory but was greeted only with the inky blackness. He saw the man he supposed was Snape shiver slightly and saw that Voldemort was performing Ligilimency on him. Voldemort turned his hateful eyes next onto the woman. Her breathing suddenly became quick, as if she was fighting very hard to keep Voldemort out of her head. Voldemort lifted his gaze from her, but there was a curious, satisfied smile on his twisted face as he turned his eyes onto the next death eater. Harry saw that the woman was visibly shaking from head to toe as she turned to look up at Snape, shaking her head and grabbing hold of the sleeve of his cloak. Harry was quite sure she was crying.  
"My loyal death eaters," a high cold voice made Harry jump, "we seem to have one among us who is not so loyal as we have been lead to think." Voldemort was speaking to the crowd now. The death eaters looked amongst the crowd, wondering who had betrayed them. The woman, Harry remembered her name had been Ana, was shaking worse than ever. Snape had an arm around her shoulders and was walking slowly backwards, obviously hoping that no one was looking. "I wonder," Voldemort said in a voice of fake concern, "If they would be so kind to show themselves." Voldemort turned towards Snape and Ana, and Harry was relieved that he could not also see him standing right next to them. Voldemort waved one long finger and suddenly Ana was pulled out of Snape's arms and through the crowd as if an invisible rope had lassoed her. She stopped forcefully, as if she had just ran into a wall, and hung in mid air. Her mask had slid off and Harry caught a glimpse of her terrified, tear stained face. She would have been quite pretty if she hadn't looked so frightened, he thought to himself. The surrounding death eaters jeered and catcalled, laughed and hollered, apparently expecting a great show. Harry could barely make out Snape's yells as he frantically tried to plow through the densely packed circle of onlookers. Harry followed behind Snape, dreading what he was about to see. Voldemort's face had broken into an insane smile. He raised his wand. Harry could hear Snape screaming, but he was almost drowned out by the other death eaters cheers. Finally Snape had broken through the crowd, his mask falling to the ground, and a blinding flash of green light illuminated the scene. The woman hadn't even had time to scream, but her eyes were wide, an expression of terror sill lingering in them as she fell limply to the cold, damp earth. Harry closed his eyes, and tried to block out the image of her face, found himself begging for Dumbledore to take him from this horrid place, but still the memory remained. He could feel himself shaking now. He'd never wanted to see such a thing. He heard Snape scream "ANA!" as he flung himself onto her lifeless form, the death eaters still cheering and laughing, and suddenly they had disappeared.  
The death eaters, the forest and Voldemort had gone and he and Snape were now standing in a room. Harry realized that Snape had Apparated. The room was large and contained a few dressers, a desk, a bed and a large fireplace that was still crackling merrily in the corner. Harry looked up at Snape. He was holding Ana's form, staring at it, his black eyes darting across it as if hoping for some movement to show that she was still alive. His breathing quickened as he lowered her body onto the wooden floor, his limp black hair falling into his face. Harry shook his head. He wanted out, he didn't want to see this. Snape was obviously in a sate of shock. He kneeled down and placed a hand on her face. "Ana?" He asked. His voice was shaking and unsteady, completely different from the cold, harsh one he reserved for students. "Ana?" he asked again, louder and more pleadingly than before. Her eyes were still open, staring unseeingly into space. Harry backed up until he was against the wall, the sight of those lifeless blue gray eyes horrified him. Snape was still kneeling over her, his face inches from hers. "Ana don't do this." He said, his voice breaking as he ran a shaking hand through her dark brown hair. "Please don't." He begged now, his voice trailing off into a sort of strangled whisper. Her eyes continued to stare at nothing as Snape cradled her against him, her head lolling over his arm. Harry felt like he was going retch. He couldn't take this. Snape got up suddenly and backed away from her body, breathing so fast Harry thought he was going to hyperventilate. He shook his head, still staring at her, his every limb shaking. Harry new what was coming, he'd done it himself the night Sirius had died. He'd never seen Snape so angry before. A cold fury swept into Snape's eyes and he screamed as loudly as he could, spun on his heel, picked up a chair and flung it so hard that it splintered into pieces against the wall opposite. But that wasn't enough. He pulled out a dresser drawer and threw it, sending pieces of parchment and quills flying through the air. It shattered as it hit the floor. Still not enough. More drawers, another chair, the nightstand, some plates; all of it went crashing to the ground as Snape turned his rage on the only things he could find. The bed was over turned, the dresser flipped and the room literally destroyed until his rage borne strength finally dissolved and he sunk to the floor, his screams turning into desperate wails. Harry was beyond thought, he wanted out, how could he ever have been so stupid to want to know this? Snape's shoulders heaved as he sobbed into his hand, his eyes shut tight, still shaking his head, unwilling to believe. He crossed the distance between himself and Ana's body on all fours, to weak now to stand. He managed to sit up and he took a hold of her body and cradled her again, crying freely into her hair. Harry had backed as far away from Snape as he could. He tried to scream "Let me out!" but his throat had closed up and all he could manage was a hoarse "Out!" The scene began to dissolve and Harry felt himself turning head over heels once more, being swept from this god forsaken memory. He was sitting again in Dumbledore's office. He could feel himself shaking and it was several minutes before he could speak. Dumbledore looked at him sadly and said. "The truth can be a wonderful thing Harry. But it can also be devastating and frightening. And it is never to be taken lightly." Harry's mind was still reeling with what he had seen in the pensive. He felt that he would never be able to rid himself of those images. "You asked me once," Dumbledore said softly, "Why Severus hates you. It is not only that you are the son of his boyhood enemy. It is also because you survived when the same curse killed his own child. It was to much for him." Harry stared at the headmaster trying to take everything in.  
"Why," he panted "Why did you show me?"  
"Because now you know why I trust Severus Snape." He said solemnly. "Words cannot barely begin to explain what the mind feels." He stood now and placed a hand on Harry's back. Harry felt like he was going to be sick. "Here, Harry. Take this." Dumbledore handed him a bar of Honeyduke's chocolate. "It will help you sleep." Harry felt like he would never be able to sleep again. Harry felt himself getting numbly to his feet, Dumbledore's hand still firm on his back as he walked to the door of his office. As he opened it Dumbledore said, "Remember Harry, no one is to know of this. I am sorry for what you saw, but then." he paused, "You were eager to see it." Harry left Dumbledore's office feeling worse than he had in years. He barely even noticed his feet were carrying him along the familiar path to the Gryffindor common room. He didn't pay any attention to the Creevey brothers who were both clambering to take pictures, or to Neville who was asking for next weeks passwords. He walked up to the boys dormitories and collapsed into his bed, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts and horrible images. He lay awake for some time (he was glad Ron was already asleep) and puzzled over everything he had learned. He cursed himself for not just trusting Dumbledore to trust Snape. He wondered if Snape was asleep right now, or if he too was lying awake, thinking about the same night so long ago. 


End file.
